he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
