I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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