Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
