What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
