JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i think i just lost a toe
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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