Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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