He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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