no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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