I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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