They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He better not be in your backpack
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
