She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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