Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
