I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
