im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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