you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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