do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
