Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
