I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
