She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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