you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
