The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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