I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
