dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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