Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
