All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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