i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Can Purell be used as lube?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
