my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
