he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER