well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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