i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
