Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
