My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
