there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
