say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
