yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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