Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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