so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
