this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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