i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
