My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
