ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's never too late to be topless.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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