Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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