Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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