I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
