We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
