Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
