Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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