Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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