the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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