I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
