i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
