The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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