I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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