I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im six kinds of drunk right now
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
