Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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