I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How's work?
Spinning.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
