End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
