I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
