there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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