Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
