I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
