piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize