I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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