I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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