I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
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Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
