Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
