help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
