I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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