Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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