would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
