last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
