if i can run in heels then i can drive
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize