Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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