The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Come see our sink grown plant.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
