My balls are so social today.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
