So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize