Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
