You're a womanizer and a bitch.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
