hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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