I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
