Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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