His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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