Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
