Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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